I have discovered that sometimes Micah's disobedience seems to make her more independent.
Today she had her treat of smores early.
She then couldn't make up her mind about what she wanted for lunch. Her father offered to take her out for the soup she loves but she has been refusing to leave the house for most things, especially restaurants- understandable since they are noisy, smelly, and busy. Basically they are full of anxiety. Sometimes in the past she has gone but right now her anxiety is too bad.
After the soup offer, that is all she wanted for lunch and her father would only do the soup if she went to the restaurant. So, no soup.
He left the house and she was still after me for the soup, even after he came back she was still wanting the soup.
I had one other lunch suggestion that I hadn't thought of-- pancakes. She thought that was good and asked for chocolate syrup on them. As she had already had her treat, I told her she could have regular syrup (sugar free). That was not acceptable to her and we went back and forth with it for a while. I suggested a compromise of syrup on one and chocolate syrup on the other pancake. Still not happening!
Finally Micah said that she would be making her own pancakes and she would be putting chocolate syrup on them.
I waited to see what would happen. Most times she gives up because she hasn't ever had much interest in cooking and therefore knows little about it.
She actually started to make them. The only thing I did was set the griddle at the right temperature and tell her how to substitute for the egg.
She cooked her pancakes (I did tell her when to flip them) and then of course put the syrup, that she was not allowed, on them.
She thinks she got away with it and technically she did but what she hasn't thought out is that I can hide the syrup when she goes to bed or just not buy anymore. I have chosen the latter of the two!
I could have tried yelling at her or tried to take the syrup away before she started but that doesn't work and ends really badly. We have had much experience with those strategies. They don't work!
I am getting better at trying to think up other strategies that don't cause as much anxiety for either of us.
Once or twice before, she has gotten things for herself, like getting ice cubes and water from the fridge.
The bonus of her disobedience with the syrup is that she is also learning a skill--cooking for herself! So it's not all bad.